What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

She kept up her compliments, and I kept up my determination to deserve them or die.

Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born -a hundred million years -and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together. There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred million years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes.

Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.

Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.