What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

God cures and the doctor sends the bill.

When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.

The silent colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that afflict the peoples — that is the one to throw bricks and sermons at.

Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.