All gods are better than their reputation.

Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.

Life is short, break the rules.

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.

I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.