It's not as bad as it sounds.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

What a man sees in the human race is merely himself in the deep and honest privacy of his own heart. Byron despised the race because he despised himself. I feel as Byron did, and for the same reason.

Suddenly the nickel-clad horse takes the bit in its mouth and goes slanting for the curbstone defying all prayers and all your powers to change its mind - your heart stands still, your breath hangs fire, your legs forget to work.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Children have but little charity for one another's defects

I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.