I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession of Siamese Twins, the whole evolved by natural and orderly processes from one microscopic parent germ.

My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.

...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'

When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.

Every man feels that his experience is unlike that of anybody else and therefore he should write it down-- he finds also that everybody else has thought and felt on some points precisely as he has done, and therefore he should write it down.