Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.

High and fine literature is wine, and mine is only water; but everybody likes water.

No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is.

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.