A historian who would convey the truth has got to lie. Often he must enlarge the truth by diameters, otherwise his reader would not be able to see it.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.

There is not an acre of ground on the globe that is in possession of its rightful owner, or that has not been taken away from owner after owner, cycle afer cycle, by force and bloodshed.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.