There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so.

All people have had ill luck, but Jairus's daughter and Lazarus had the worst.

Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.

It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.