Against a diseased imagination demonstration goes for nothing.

S'pose a man was to come to you and say Pollyvoo-franzy - what would you think?

I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing; you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.