God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon.

Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense.

Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.

Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality

Steal a chicken if you get a chance, Huck, because if you don't want it, someone else does and a good deed ain't never forgotten.

The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.