Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love.

Too much is just enough.

The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze.

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

Adam and Eve entered the world naked and unashamed - naked and pure-minded. And no descendant of theirs has ever entered it otherwise. All have entered it naked, unashamed, and clean in mind. They entered it modest. They had to acquire immodesty in the soiled mind, there was no other way to get it. ... The convention mis-called "modesty" has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anyone's whim - anyone's diseased caprice.

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.