You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing; you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.

The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.

Life is short, break the rules.

The true charm of pedestrians does not lie in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.