You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

I have carried a revolver; lots of us do, but they are the most innocent things in the world.

It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.

Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.

As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful'

Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.

....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.