There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and gruvvelling around when you've got an apple, and beg the core off you; but when they're got one, and you beg for the core, and remind them how you give them a core one time, they take a mouth at you, and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't a-going to be no core.

More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

...mastery of the art and spirit of the Germanic language enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changing cars.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.