It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.

I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.

There ain't nothing more to write about and I'm rotten glad of it, because if I'd know'd what trouble it was to make a book, I wouldn't a tackled it.

Every time I reform in one direction I go overboard in another.