I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.

Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has.

Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway.

I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting some false and most pernicious notions about consistency - and to such a degree that the average man has turned the rights and wrongs of things entirely around and is proud to be "consistent," unchanging, immovable, fossilized, where it should be his humiliation.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.

A gentleman is a man who can play the banjo, but doesn't.