Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.

A "classic" is a book that everybody praises but nobody has read

Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.

I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.

Suddenly the nickel-clad horse takes the bit in its mouth and goes slanting for the curbstone defying all prayers and all your powers to change its mind - your heart stands still, your breath hangs fire, your legs forget to work.

...mastery of the art and spirit of the Germanic language enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changing cars.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.