He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

Always tell the truth; then you don't have to remember anything

Whatever thing men call great, look for it in Joan of Arc, and there you will find it.

The reason most people don't go to church is because they've already been.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

To be human is to have one's little modicum of romance secreted away in one's composition. One never ceases to make a hero of one's self, (in private,) during life, but only alters the style of heroism from time to time as the drifting years belittle certain gods of his admiration and raise up others in their stead.