Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.

The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don't tell you what to say.

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.

Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it.

The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.

A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. The revivalized convert who is scared in the direction of heaven because he sees hell yawn suddenly behind him, not only regains confidence when his scare is over, but is ashamed of himself for being scared, and often becomes more hopelessly and malignantly wicked than he was before.

I played Chess with him and would have beaten him sometimes only he always took back his last move, and ran the game out differently