A "classic" is a book that everybody praises but nobody has read

He had an uncommon fondness for cats. As an old man summering in New Hampshire, Twain even rented kittens from a nearby farm to keep him company until he returned home. "If man could be crossed with the cat," said Twain, "it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has

You need not expect to get your book right the first time.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

As by the fires of experience, so by commission of crime you learn real morals. Commit all crimes, familiarize yourself with all sins, take them in rotation (there are only two or three thousand of them), stick to it, commit two or three every day, and by and by you will be proof against them. When you are through you will be proof against all sins and morally perfect. You will be vaccinated against every possible commission of them. This is the only way.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.