What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.

If your only tool is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail.

There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.

Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.

Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.