A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

The motto stated a lie. If this nation has ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century almost its entire trust has been in the Republican party and the dollar--mainly the dollar. I recognize that I am only making an assertion and furnishing no proof; I am sorry, but this is a habit of mine; sorry also that I am not alone in it; everybody seems to have this disease.

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.