When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.

Human Beings are the only animals that blush, or need to.

Which is him?" The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.