If it would not look too much like showing off, I would tell the reader where New Zealand is.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.

Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of "smartness"--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artificial.