Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.

I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, political, or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies.

One of my theories is that the hearts of men are about alike, no matter what their skin color.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.

Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.