Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.

whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

You can't reason someone out of something that they weren't reasoned into in the first place.

Buy land, they're not making it anymore.

Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.

I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.