No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him.

Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.

It{California} is the land where the fabled Aladdin's Lamp lies buried-and she {San Francisco} is the new Aladdin who shall seize it from its obscurity and summon the genie and command him to crown her with power and greatness and bring to her feet the hoarded treasures of the earth.

Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.

He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.