There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

We are all alike, on the inside.

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.

whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Man - a figment of God's imagination.