Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

a fully belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

I would much prefer to suffer from the clean incision of an honest lancet than from a sweetened poison.