The Mississippi River will always have its own way; no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise.

No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.

Note that venerable proverb: Children and fools always speak the truth. The deduction is plain: adults and wise persons never speak it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting some false and most pernicious notions about consistency - and to such a degree that the average man has turned the rights and wrongs of things entirely around and is proud to be "consistent," unchanging, immovable, fossilized, where it should be his humiliation.