Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you.

Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot; and there ain't any real difference between triplets and a insurrection. - The Babies speech 1879

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

If we read the words and attitudes of the past through the pompous "wisdom" of the considered moral judgments of the present, we will find nothing but error.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

But old fools is the biggest fools there is.

I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.