If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

There ain't nothing more to write about and I'm rotten glad of it, because if I'd know'd what trouble it was to make a book, I wouldn't a tackled it.

Knighterrantry is a most chuckleheaded trade, and it is tedious hard work, too, but I begin to see that there is money in it, after all, if you have luck. Not that I would ever engage in it, as a business, for I wouldn't. No sound and legitimate business can be established on a basis of speculation. A successful whirl in the knighterrantry line--now what is it when you blow away the nonsense and come down to the cold facts? It's just a corner in pork, that's all.

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted.

We get our morals from books. I didn't get mine from books, but I know that morals do come from books- theoretically at least.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.