Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.

The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.

There is in life only one moment and in eternity only one. It is so brief that it is represented by the fleeting of a luminous mote through the thin ray of sunlight - and it is visible but a fraction of a second. The moments that preceded it have been lived, are forgotten and are without value; the moments that have not been lived have no existence and will have no value except in the moment that each shall be lived. While you are asleep you are dead; and whether you stay dead an hour or a billion years the time to you is the same.

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

The timid man yearns for full value and demands a tenth. The bold man strikes for double value and compromises on par.