There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to; but a hog is different.

An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.

Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.

What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.

The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.