I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

You want to be very careful about lying; otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.

There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.

There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.