As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and ... Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards.

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

Unconsciously we all have a standard by which we measure other men, and if we examine closely we find that this standard is a very simple one, and is this: we admire them, we envy them, for great qualities we ourselves lack. Hero worship consists in just that. Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do. We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.