When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.

Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW is only a small step and quickly taken.

The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.

Not all the Greek runners in the original Olympics were totally naked. Some wore shoes.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.

Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven....The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they are going to be left out in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems questionable taste.