What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

A "classic" is a book that everybody praises but nobody has read

My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.

There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to; but a hog is different.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."