Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.

If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.

I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting some false and most pernicious notions about consistency - and to such a degree that the average man has turned the rights and wrongs of things entirely around and is proud to be "consistent," unchanging, immovable, fossilized, where it should be his humiliation.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.