Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance, stupidity and perjury.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I know this by my own experience, & to this day I cherish an unappeased bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I was 15 years old. None can do that and ever draw a clean sweet breath again on this side of the grave.

The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it; the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make.