The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Some things you can't find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.

There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

I used to think my father was an idiot, until I turned twenty-one... Then I thought he was a genus.

If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.