The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

The exquisitely bad is as satisfying to the soul as the exquisitely good. Only the mediocre is unendurable.

The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.

A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.

I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets.