If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

The Mississippi River will always have its own way; no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise.

There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life.

It is an important thing, in our never-ending pursuit of happiness, to stop and just be happy for a while.

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.