Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them—and by laughing at them destroy them? For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, Money, Persuasion, Supplication, Persecution--these can lift at a colossal humbug,—push it a little— crowd it a little—weaken it a little, century by century: but only Laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of Laughter nothing can stand. - "The Chronicle of Young Satan," Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts

I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases

Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.

If I had more time, I would have written less.

Everything human is pathetic

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.