I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.

Out of the public schools comes the greatness of the nation.

I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.

One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed it. They also believed the world was flat.

In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.