That reminds me to remark, in passing, that the very first official thing I did, in my administration-and it was on the first day of it, too-was to start a patent office; for I knew that a country without a patent office and good patent laws was just a crab, and couldn't travel any way but sideways or backways.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

Such is professional jealousy; a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.

Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.

It would not be possible for Noah to do in our day what he was permitted to do in his own ... The inspector would come and examine the Ark, and make all sorts of objections.

It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.