Children and fools always speak the truth

Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.

Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.

I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public

You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word.

But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.