When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.

I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.

Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange; for tastes are made, not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired; but after all, the Scotchman would shake his head and say, 'Where's your haggis?' and the Fijan would sigh and say, 'Where's your missionary?'

We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.

Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race.

A German joke is no laughing matter.