Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.

The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned.

Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

Good judgment comes from experience. And where does experience come from? Experience comes from bad judgment.

When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.