Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

What's your name?" "Becky Thatcher. What's yours? Oh, I know. It's Thomas Sawyer." "That's the name they lick me by. I'm Tom when I'm good. You call me Tom, will you?" "Yes

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.

It's easy to endure adversity -- if it happens to someone else.

There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.