You can't keep a juvenile moral institution alive on two displays of its sash per year.

Wagner has some great moments, but a lot of miserable half hours.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.

A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.