It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.

There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.