I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says - "Yes; the little ones does".
Mark TwainThe [Kodak is] the only witness I have encountered in my long experience that I couldn't bribe.
Mark TwainIf you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loudly. Do not compound mispronunciation with inaudibility
Mark TwainProbably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be the mere conversational shooting up of "smartness"--a bright feather, to be blown into space the second after it is launched...Wit seems to be counted a very poor relation to Humour....Humour is never artificial.
Mark TwainA distinguished man should be as particular about his last words as he is about his last breath. He should write them out on a slip of paper and take the judgment of his friends on them. He should never leave such a thing to the last hour of his life, and trust to an intellectual spurt at the last moment to enable him to say something smart with his latest gasp and launch into eternity with grandeur.
Mark Twain