Eloquence is the essential thing in a speech, not information.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.

Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.

The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze.

You can't throw too much style into a miracle.