It is my heart-warmed and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.

Where was the use, originally, in rushing this whole globe through in six days? It is likely that if more time had been taken in the first place, the world would have been made right, and this ceaseless improving and repairing would not be necessary now. But if you hurry a world or a house, you are nearly sure to find out by and by that you have left out a towhead, or a broom-closet, or some other little convenience, here and there, which has got to be supplied, no matter how much expense or vexation it may cost.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.